FNORD: The kids are alt-right??????

WHERE ARE THE WORLD'S GOVERNMENTS HIDING THE EPIC WOKE KIDS???

The views of Rob Fnord are not endorsed or respected by Discordia Review.

I was ASSURED by other millennials on the internet that young people were here to save the world. This is all we talked about for years. Countless viral videos were shared of kids being epic and sassy about loving social justice. They did TikTok dances against vaccine disinformation! So when Germany lowered the voting age I thought, wow, what a victory for tolerance—take THAT, AfD, with your Nazi high command of hot MILFs!

But then the election came and went, and what the hell? Europe is looking more right-wing and reactionary than ever! What about the kids? What about the epic woke kids, did they just not vote??? Imagine my shock when I found out they did vote, only they all voted for the wrong parties. Perhaps this is because of the literacy crisis. Maybe the kids read “LePen” and it looked like “lapine.” Kids love rabbits. But no, it’s simply too hard to deny videos of rotund, Augustus-Gloop-esque German teenagers at raves chanting “foreigners out!” to Daniel Lopatin’s quasi-eurobeats. Was it a mistake for us to spend several decades pumping money into fascist paramilitaries across Europe to own the commies? For the first time in my life I thought… “maybe.”

We got rid of all the evil communists and now everything in Europe seems to keep getting worse. I don’t know what more these people could want. The EU probably just needs to expand some more, maybe they could start adding in portions of Africa. Algeria could be a part of France again! I’m sure they’d love it!